This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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