My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
