You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize