I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
