I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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