I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
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