Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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