i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
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