I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She needs sedatives and a leash
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
