just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
