dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
