walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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