did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
