You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
if only i could text you this smell
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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