last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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