Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
