I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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