She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
