he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
