Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
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At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
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Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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