I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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