I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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