my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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