I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
