I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
