When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize