Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Drunk is not a location!
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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