Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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