It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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