I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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