I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
