So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
