Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
