i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.