It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
