i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.