Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life