I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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