upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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