HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
