There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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