yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize
