I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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