Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
