break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
