i don't like sucking hair
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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