Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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