He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
