While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just had sex on a roof
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
