found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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