i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
