I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
