so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
