don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
