I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I will be naked everywhere
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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