i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
