My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
