Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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