I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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