Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
