If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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