i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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