You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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