Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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