Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
