Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
