Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
