i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
