I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
