So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
