So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Terrible idea I love it
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
